is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
