My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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