who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
