Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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