I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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