please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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