doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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