Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
