ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
