She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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