you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
