i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
