I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
so much tequila, so little girl.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
