She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There r osticjed everywhere
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
