it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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