I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
