hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
