I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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