no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize