oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
