i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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