He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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