Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
