Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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