i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
