The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
