90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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