I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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