Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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