I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
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I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"