I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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