you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?