just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend