One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
