I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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