At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
