How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
