is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
