If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
