...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
