I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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