I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
