we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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