We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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