i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize