Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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