I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
