Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
