You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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