you guys were way drunker than both of me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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