I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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