i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
