I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
