Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
