We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
