My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
