On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
