I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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