I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
