good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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