could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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