he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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