I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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