party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
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he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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